Close to my heart



Feelings of remorse and emptiness intense

Hurt those who loved me the most overwhelmed and immense

Heavy heart, lost, always so very close to tears

Now alone I am left to face my greatest fears

I’m still so much in love, my other is not

Riding the fence, in drugs web I was caught

Can this ever be rectified?  Can I make amends?

Lost my loved ones, my respect, my friends

One week in, and I’m still a mess, affected

The women I love more than life, left me rejected

I don’t blame her.  For t’was I that was sick

Not taking care of my own.  Boy T’ was I a dick

But now that I am clean, on the path to sobriety

Will she still look at me as a loser?  A liability?

Losing her hurts me the most, I feel empty, dead.

I no longer walk with my head high, held down instead.

She is still in my heart, in my soul, in my mind

Sometimes my search for happiness is so far to find

I think of the hurt and pain, I’ve caused in the past.

All for what?  A ringer, that next big blast?

How much of a fool could I be?

To push someone like her away from me.

It wasn’t just her though, two helpless kids too.

Sometimes I wish that my life were through.

But yes I persevere, swallow hard, breathe deep.

It’s the hope she gave me, close to my heart I keep.